Love, Is It Real?

I knew you were too good for me
You made me think of what we could be...
I thought there could be something
HA! I only thought the wrong thing.
Dreaming to be kissed in the rain and snow <3
Only goes to show..
You end up fine, I end up shaken and hurt,
You walk away with another girl...
Prettier, thinner, and popular.
I walk away with a scar on my heart.
I'm feeling okay.. at least that's a start
But deep down I'm done, losing it
I've taken the hit.
I don't deserve you.
I'll need a crew to pick up the peices, only some will be missing...
The parts of my heart I gave, and never got back.
You stay happy, while I shout on the inside how much I hurt.
No one knows how I feel,
I'm not okay, I'll never be.
There is nothing left of me for you to see.

hello??

Is there anybody out there? Anybody who reads this bloody thing? I feel like I'm invisible to the world, to the guy I like. I feel like I will never be able to do things right, or good enough for people. I don't know what it is.
A classmate of mine died last night. Though I have never met her or seen her, from what people have said, she was the best anyone could be. She was what people wanted to be, and that was herself. She didn't care what people thought of her. She made an impact on my school. I wish I could do the same. Leave a mark, a legacy, be someone people can look up to. I want to be the best lacrosse player I can be. I want to read 25 books this year(already have three done:), I want to play in the showcase for my instrument. I want to be good at something I love, I want to be the nice person I use to be. And you know what, I'm going to make that happen. I'm going to stop being so darn negative, and change my attitude about stuff. I don't care how long it takes me, but I need to be thankful for what I have, and love who I have in my life.
Tell someone you love the, thank someone who held the door open for them, smile at someone when they pass by. Like they say a smile can change a whole persons day. :) Make it your goal, and I'll make it mine. I love you.

Smile, It Gets Better. I promise :)

Recently, I had gotten in a fight with my parents over a really stupid thing, and it caused me to do something I regretted. No not suicide, but to cut. The feeling of some other pain besides the one that had already peirced my heart seemed to have been a better idea. I wish I could redo it, take away the scabs that are forming over the wounds. Everyone gets in fights with people they love, but we take what we have for granted. We think that the people we love will be there always, when they could be taken away the next day. I just watched a video of 10 reasons why you should smile. Well, here are mine.
1. Family-they support me, and encourage me to keep pursuing my music and sports.
2. Piano- I could never give up piano, even if I hate practicing, it's like being in a whole other world.
3. Sports-Lacrosse, swimming, and dancing; things i love to do and make me happy.
4. Friends- Taylor, Brie, Cristina, Jessica, Chandler, Cody, Drea, and Rachel(need I say more?) :D
5. Music- Everfound, Jack's Mannequin, Country <3
6. History- Past events can help us from making the same mistakes in the future :)
7. My crush- though I don't talk to him, maybe one day I might get a word, or a kiss ( a girl can dream :))
8. Snow-even though I hate it, it just looks so beautiful when the crystals gleam in the sunlight
9. Letters- from friendly to a love letter, they all melt my heart and make me SMILE
10. My life- that I am still here and just waiting to take on the world, ONE step at a time <3
We musn't forget that we were put on this Earth for a reason, and that no one can bring us down. Just remember, a Smile can change a person's entire outlook on life :)